Subject: deep thoughts

from Uncle Peter in anticipation of the big weekend...

Murray-Meyer Festival

Theme: Cousins in Control

Thoughts from Cabin 24

* We have decided not to invite Matthew and Hazel this year. No particular reason really. We just didn't want to. They both have a full life in Colorado and UN Plaza. We think that is enough. As my father used to say to Matthew "Why don't you go read a book"

* The committee has instructed the Meyers that they can not bring the Dysons as playmates, court jesters or just beer carriers. The Dyson boys married young, like the Murray's, and simply substituted the name Mary Beth for Rita as their wives. No other differences in the families really

* Colin Murray: We think he should just go up Route 405 to LA, become a TV personality and get it over with. Alexis says that he wears pancake at home in case the studio calls. His children are frightened and sit totally still most of the day.

* Michael Meyer: All these innuendos, accusations and secret whispers about his life style are ridiculous. They are absolutely true, but still ridiculous. In fact there is a growing interest in approaching Michael about a possible blood and DNA transfer. Let's face it, whatever is keeping him alive, we want.

* George & Trisha Olvaney: Have told the committee that there is absolutely no room in their house in Remsen burg or whatever town they live in. We tried to explain to a glaring Trisha that no Murray/Meyer had actually been to their Hampton house in eight years. In fact the official record is 822 Olvaney family visits vs. 2 Murray/Meyer visits. One Murray/Meyer visit was Mary Murray on January 10th. (She is only allowed off season). Oh by the way when George was asked how he rates Paris at sunset, he said "Okay, I guess"

* Pat Duffy is going to reveal the family members he doesn't like. Start with the in-laws on top. Can you blame him!

* Vincent Murray Jr.: Has leapfrogged his father in personal habits and has assumed solid positions on every subject that are identical with his Grandfather. Favorite Restaurant - Bravo Gianni Favorite Food - Minestrone Soup & Veal Parmigana

Favorite Sport - Thoroughbred Horse Racing

Public Figure - Ted Kennedy - Commie

Women - Many in his mind. None in reality.

* Rita Meyer: Chairperson of St. Stephens, Chairperson of Trinity College, Ruler of Segunda, Ruler of Alexandria, Ward of Abigail, (Relinquished Mother's Title at Trial) Abigail's litigation was handled by Dennis Irwin Meyer and Rita's by Ed Dyson. I personally remember Rita as my good friend in the room at top of Goodridge Ave. We used to talk. Yesterday, she fired me. No pension. No medical. Although she likes Chris Murray now, I fear for him if she turns.

* Denny Meyer: Where is he anyway? At 136 lbs he is not the threat he once was. My vote - Go eat, drink, and curse. Where's the guys who grabbed Matthew and Michael and planted shrubs all afternoon. I liked him.

* Grandma Rita: Just like famous painters who grow in stature as time passes (Van Gogh, Renoir) Grandma Rita is on the ascendancy with famous quotes like "they're jerks" or "your room is a pig sty ." Clearly the most important issue that has rankled the ever pushy, even overbearing, power seeking Cousins is that although Grandma loved all her grandchildren (especially Catie Meyer), she adored her own children. Proof, she even like her son Matthew. Enough said!

* Thomas Murray Sr. "Tiger, tiger burning bright in the forest of the night." It is these quotes and many others that Tom gives to the grooms at Keenland. They look perplexed and stay quiet. After all they need the little pharmaceutical goodies that he dispenses. Like all the Murray A types he has cut his sleep to four hours and is substituting deep concentration on cumulous clouds. Personally, I like it.

* Abigail Meyer: As much as she loves her family, perhaps tolerates is more correct, she believes that she is quickly outgrowing the Murray/Meyers and has secretly put out feelers to the Bush's about joining their clan. She has also indicated deep interest in the Petersons. But the Petersons are already in the fold so that gets very sticky. Steven Peterson, although to everybody is a great guy, is secretly handling these conversations with the Bush's at a very deep level. Steve is cut from strong Swedish blood and will do whatever it takes to get the deal done. However, we are not going to let Abigail go that easily. Chris Murray is leading a negotiating team to bring the Bush's into the Murray/Meyer/Peterson fold, thereby completing the Merger. (Dysons are not applicable since they are from Bizarro World).

* David Murray: is now a Terrapin from the State of Maryland. It is not so long ago that David was standing outside the Govinda in dreadlocks and denying me thrice in front of his happy friends (remember St. Peter). My future prediction for David Murray - Congressman from Chevy Chase and an owner of a string of dry cleaners. He'll be yelling "Hey no starch on Mr. Simon's shirts". I think once the childbearing pressure is off Chris he will collapse like Matthew of UN Plaza Fame.

* Church: This is not funny nor meant to be blasphemous, but Rita Meyer, Denny, Sasha (you know who you are) who go regularly to Church, please keep going and build up a lot of plenary indulgences for the rest of the family. We need it. The amount of indulgences needed to get to heave breaks down like this at the present:

Name

Indulgences needed to get to Heaven

Michael Meyer                 10,230,000

Vincent Murray                550

Matthew Meyer                325

Peter Murray                    250

Hank Bush (He just doesn't walk in because he is married to Michelle!) 150

The remaining cousins and family members have either too many flaws to mention or I don't know their names.

* Lastly: At this very moment there is a secret meeting in an underground bunker where the Murray/Meyer Cousins of German origin are holding key meetings. They are in the early stages of trying to wrestle control away from the "Founders of the Constitution". These Teutonic cousins, have always loved secret meetings where the hope of eternal dominance lives.

However, history should also remind the German Cousins of a simple fact. They started three wars, they lost three wars (Start with the Franco-Prussian conflict). Eventually you will annoy the Irish side of the family and we will leave our bars in Caven at AM and for the fourth time kick your butts back to the Fatherland.

So go slowly with your predecessors.

Love,

Cabin 24